1 00:00:00,325 --> 00:00:03,075 (mystical music) 2 00:00:07,010 --> 00:00:10,720 - Ah, doing your own Joe jobs now I see. 3 00:00:10,721 --> 00:00:11,551 - Ha 4 00:00:11,554 --> 00:00:13,694 - Join the clergy, learn a trade. 5 00:00:13,690 --> 00:00:15,790 - Can't afford to hire the help. 6 00:00:15,789 --> 00:00:17,039 - Oh, I hear you, I just got off the phone 7 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:18,420 with the archdeacon. 8 00:00:18,420 --> 00:00:21,700 He informed me he's coming to visit on Sunday. 9 00:00:21,700 --> 00:00:25,210 Very concerned about the profitability of church. 10 00:00:25,210 --> 00:00:27,060 - That doesn't sound very charitable. 11 00:00:28,098 --> 00:00:31,338 Christianity lasted 2000 years by being charitable. 12 00:00:31,340 --> 00:00:33,190 - You can't run a church like a business. 13 00:00:33,190 --> 00:00:36,310 - So I've been told three times in the last half hour. 14 00:00:36,310 --> 00:00:38,420 - The powers that be aren't thinking, closing you down. 15 00:00:38,420 --> 00:00:41,370 - Oh, I hope not my core congregation for some of them. 16 00:00:41,370 --> 00:00:43,360 My sermon is the only time they get any sleep. 17 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:45,720 - Doesn't the rent from our mosque make a difference? 18 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:46,660 - Keep that off the ledge 19 00:00:46,660 --> 00:00:48,500 without it we have no heat or power. 20 00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,130 - Would it help if I spoke to the archdeacon? 21 00:00:50,130 --> 00:00:52,170 - Oh, what a wonderful idea. 22 00:00:52,170 --> 00:00:53,930 I'll have the Amman from the mosque. 23 00:00:53,930 --> 00:00:56,680 The Archdeacon knows nothing about talk to him. 24 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:58,050 - I guess it's a good idea I took the sign down- 25 00:00:58,047 --> 00:00:59,287 - no, no, no, no, no. 26 00:00:59,290 --> 00:01:01,240 It's a great idea. 27 00:01:01,243 --> 00:01:03,723 (mystical music) 28 00:01:03,718 --> 00:01:07,548 - No sign of Amaan, no sign of Yasir, no sign above it all. 29 00:01:08,872 --> 00:01:12,082 Laziness, ineptitude, irresponsibility. 30 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:15,140 How can we be a positive example for the white community 31 00:01:15,140 --> 00:01:17,270 when we behave just like them? 32 00:01:18,355 --> 00:01:20,935 (upbeat music) 33 00:01:54,747 --> 00:01:56,097 - We can't allow the Archdeacon 34 00:01:56,100 --> 00:01:59,170 to shut down the church, it's a blow to religious diversity. 35 00:01:59,170 --> 00:02:01,930 - It's also the end of your rent free office space 36 00:02:01,926 --> 00:02:04,616 - Amaan that didn't even enter my mind. 37 00:02:04,619 --> 00:02:07,029 You're going to have to raise some money. 38 00:02:07,030 --> 00:02:08,180 How about the bake sale? 39 00:02:08,180 --> 00:02:10,470 - There aren't enough Rice Krispies Squares in the world. 40 00:02:10,470 --> 00:02:12,870 - Then, you're going to have to grow your congregation. 41 00:02:14,090 --> 00:02:16,020 - Afraid these days, the Grim Reaper comes to visit 42 00:02:16,020 --> 00:02:17,820 far more often than the stork does. 43 00:02:20,380 --> 00:02:25,380 - What if Muslims come on Sunday posing as Christians? 44 00:02:26,090 --> 00:02:28,360 - You can't pretend to be Christian. 45 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:30,900 - Actually you can have my congregation does. 46 00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:34,090 - But we're Muslim, it would be a sin to pretend otherwise. 47 00:02:34,090 --> 00:02:35,860 - We don't have to pretend. 48 00:02:35,860 --> 00:02:36,940 We just attend the algin 49 00:02:36,940 --> 00:02:39,290 what you may call it service thingy 50 00:02:39,290 --> 00:02:41,270 and the arch whose it will say, 51 00:02:41,267 --> 00:02:42,717 "I presume they're Anglican." 52 00:02:43,780 --> 00:02:45,200 - Not if he hears you talk. 53 00:02:46,190 --> 00:02:47,500 - Sarah can help. 54 00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:48,370 She could coach us. 55 00:02:48,370 --> 00:02:49,870 She used to play on your team. 56 00:02:51,170 --> 00:02:53,120 - It's this honest. 57 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,200 - Well then it's back to meeting in my basement 58 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,090 Christians too, but that's okay. 59 00:02:57,089 --> 00:02:59,219 They have plenty of room between the washer and the dryer. 60 00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:00,990 - My parishioners have had their baptisms 61 00:03:00,990 --> 00:03:02,070 and marriages in this church. 62 00:03:02,070 --> 00:03:02,990 They would die if they couldn't 63 00:03:02,990 --> 00:03:04,440 have their funerals here too. 64 00:03:05,841 --> 00:03:08,231 - The dilemma is, is this ethical? 65 00:03:09,227 --> 00:03:13,887 - No, no, the dilemma is can we get away with it? 66 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,350 - Well, there is a saying of the prophet, 67 00:03:16,345 --> 00:03:17,175 (mystical music) 68 00:03:17,178 --> 00:03:18,868 "Peace be upon him, that Muslims should help 69 00:03:18,870 --> 00:03:20,750 their Christian neighbors rebuild their churches 70 00:03:20,750 --> 00:03:22,270 if they burn down." 71 00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:24,530 - Sounds to me like you just came up 72 00:03:24,525 --> 00:03:27,835 with a theological justification for Yasir's crazy scheme. 73 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,220 God bless Islam. 74 00:03:30,776 --> 00:03:31,646 - We'll need everyone in the mosque to help. 75 00:03:31,650 --> 00:03:32,750 - Not everyone, 76 00:03:32,750 --> 00:03:34,360 Baber already hates the fact that we're in a church, 77 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:35,600 this would kill him. 78 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:36,960 - As tempting as that is 79 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:37,790 I think you're right. 80 00:03:37,793 --> 00:03:40,453 We should leave him out with this one. 81 00:03:40,453 --> 00:03:42,993 But, can we pass as Anglican? 82 00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:45,290 - If God is on our side 83 00:03:46,610 --> 00:03:48,590 or at least willing to look the other way. 84 00:03:53,017 --> 00:03:55,217 (Man groans) 85 00:03:55,220 --> 00:03:57,740 - Quit moaning. You're not on the radio. 86 00:03:57,740 --> 00:03:59,610 - My back is killing me. 87 00:03:59,610 --> 00:04:01,460 - You need medical attention. 88 00:04:01,460 --> 00:04:04,000 - No, no. Thanks. All doctors are quacks. 89 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:05,130 - I agree. 90 00:04:05,130 --> 00:04:06,460 You need real medicine, 91 00:04:07,877 --> 00:04:08,787 like this, 92 00:04:08,793 --> 00:04:09,633 (jar slams on table) 93 00:04:09,626 --> 00:04:10,996 free of charge. 94 00:04:10,998 --> 00:04:11,828 - I think the only thing worse than the doctor 95 00:04:11,831 --> 00:04:13,141 is a witch doctor. 96 00:04:13,140 --> 00:04:14,900 And I'm not just saying that because you're black. 97 00:04:16,204 --> 00:04:18,174 - You're a buffoon and I'm not just saying that 98 00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:19,370 because you're white. 99 00:04:20,410 --> 00:04:23,560 You know nothing about traditional medicine. 100 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:26,120 - I wouldn't waste the brain cells trying to find out. 101 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:29,020 - Yes. I'd imagine you are in short supply. 102 00:04:29,020 --> 00:04:30,790 - Huh? Good one. 103 00:04:30,790 --> 00:04:31,680 Have to use that in the show 104 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:33,710 about somebody other than myself, of course. 105 00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:37,160 - Guaranteed to work or your money back. 106 00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:41,086 - Well, I guess if it's free, there's no harm in trying 107 00:04:41,090 --> 00:04:43,670 - Apply this to your lower back three times a day. 108 00:04:43,670 --> 00:04:44,830 - I'll be a new man. 109 00:04:44,830 --> 00:04:47,340 - That would be nice. 110 00:04:47,336 --> 00:04:48,166 (mystical music) 111 00:04:48,169 --> 00:04:49,599 - Up there, much better. 112 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:51,880 nobody takes pride in our mosque at all, Baber. 113 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,730 At least is going to be more difficult to take down, huh? 114 00:04:56,340 --> 00:04:57,170 (car engine revs) 115 00:04:57,173 --> 00:04:59,183 (solemn music) 116 00:04:59,180 --> 00:05:00,290 (man groans) 117 00:05:00,288 --> 00:05:01,478 - Well, it looks like gangrene. 118 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:04,080 We're probably going to have to amputate your torso. 119 00:05:05,020 --> 00:05:07,960 - It's the voodoo gunk that Fatima gave me, 120 00:05:07,955 --> 00:05:08,945 I think it glows in the dark. 121 00:05:08,950 --> 00:05:11,020 - Well, it'll keep you from sneaking up on yourself. 122 00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:12,400 - Oh, very funny. 123 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:13,510 What do I do about it? 124 00:05:13,510 --> 00:05:14,880 - Try soap. 125 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,010 - I mean about the pain in my back. 126 00:05:17,010 --> 00:05:19,040 - Well, we reviewed your x-rays. 127 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,960 You have degenerative disc disease in your lumbar spine. 128 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,930 - Degenerative? How long do I have left? 129 00:05:24,930 --> 00:05:25,760 - Oh, don't worry. 130 00:05:25,763 --> 00:05:28,123 You're a good candidate for surgery. 131 00:05:28,117 --> 00:05:30,397 - Oh no, take my name off the ballot, sister. 132 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:33,070 I'd rather stick with the green goo goo. 133 00:05:33,070 --> 00:05:33,900 - You do that. 134 00:05:33,903 --> 00:05:35,933 It'll reduce the risk that you're ever going to procreate. 135 00:05:35,930 --> 00:05:38,170 - I am not going under the knife. 136 00:05:38,170 --> 00:05:39,490 I'm going back to see Fatima. 137 00:05:39,490 --> 00:05:40,840 - Look, you're just going to be bedridden 138 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:42,690 and in constant pain. 139 00:05:42,691 --> 00:05:44,951 - You know, you Muslims have some bedside manner. 140 00:05:45,906 --> 00:05:46,736 (man groans) 141 00:05:46,739 --> 00:05:49,769 (slow guitar music) 142 00:05:49,770 --> 00:05:51,470 - I don't remember much about growing up Anglican 143 00:05:51,470 --> 00:05:53,560 but I must have been there. 144 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,780 - It'll come back to it's like riding a bike. 145 00:05:55,780 --> 00:05:57,470 - Yeah, with more kneeling. 146 00:05:57,470 --> 00:05:58,870 - You do remember. 147 00:05:58,870 --> 00:06:00,990 - You know, there was this one little thing- 148 00:06:00,987 --> 00:06:02,247 - Yes, yes. 149 00:06:02,250 --> 00:06:04,010 - I used to have this little white hat 150 00:06:04,010 --> 00:06:05,520 that I wore to every service. 151 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:06,590 It was so cute. 152 00:06:06,587 --> 00:06:08,797 I wonder what ever happened to that hat. 153 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,300 - Forget the hat, forget the hat. 154 00:06:10,296 --> 00:06:11,406 Will you help? 155 00:06:11,410 --> 00:06:12,860 - What's he talking you into this time, Mom? 156 00:06:12,857 --> 00:06:15,407 - Why do you always assume we're up to something? 157 00:06:15,410 --> 00:06:17,470 - Because you're always up to something. 158 00:06:17,470 --> 00:06:18,940 - No, you see there's this problem and- 159 00:06:18,940 --> 00:06:21,740 - You know actually, I'm too tired. 160 00:06:21,740 --> 00:06:23,310 - Okay. This is it. We're up to something. 161 00:06:23,310 --> 00:06:24,140 - Okay. 162 00:06:25,020 --> 00:06:26,190 - Will you help me or not? 163 00:06:26,190 --> 00:06:27,730 - Well, I'll have to do some brushing up. 164 00:06:27,730 --> 00:06:28,560 - Yes 165 00:06:29,501 --> 00:06:32,111 - Do you have a New Testament hanging around here somewhere? 166 00:06:32,110 --> 00:06:32,940 - New Testament? 167 00:06:32,943 --> 00:06:34,143 - Or an Old Testament? 168 00:06:34,140 --> 00:06:35,610 - If we had a New Testament surely I would have 169 00:06:35,610 --> 00:06:37,520 thrown out the old one. 170 00:06:37,523 --> 00:06:40,693 (mystical music) 171 00:06:40,690 --> 00:06:41,520 - Coffee, please. 172 00:06:41,523 --> 00:06:44,433 By the way all that gunk you gave me was junk. 173 00:06:46,190 --> 00:06:48,000 - Perhaps you weren't using enough. 174 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,250 - My back looks like a piece of kryptonite. 175 00:06:50,250 --> 00:06:51,680 I think that's enough. 176 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,710 - Fine. I have an oral medication. 177 00:06:53,710 --> 00:06:55,320 That's much more effective. 178 00:06:55,321 --> 00:06:56,971 - Fatima, I don't do drugs. 179 00:06:57,910 --> 00:07:00,210 - Really? Then where do you get your opinions? 180 00:07:01,225 --> 00:07:02,055 - Ha ha ha. 181 00:07:02,058 --> 00:07:05,228 - Two teaspoons in a glass of water three times a day. 182 00:07:05,230 --> 00:07:07,350 It will help your back and your colon. 183 00:07:07,350 --> 00:07:08,630 - What's wrong with my colon? 184 00:07:08,630 --> 00:07:09,880 - You're full of crap. 185 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:13,620 Take my medicine or go back to Rayyan. 186 00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:15,090 - All right, give it here. 187 00:07:15,090 --> 00:07:18,300 Better than surgery, sure it's safe? 188 00:07:18,300 --> 00:07:20,450 - I gave away plenty of my medicine in Nigeria. 189 00:07:20,450 --> 00:07:21,940 Nobody died. 190 00:07:21,940 --> 00:07:24,660 Of course, I haven't been back in many years. 191 00:07:24,657 --> 00:07:26,657 - And that makes me feel so much better. 192 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:32,130 - Hey Fatima, are you giving him medicine again? 193 00:07:32,970 --> 00:07:34,870 - If he dies, I'll apologize. 194 00:07:35,810 --> 00:07:38,070 - It's not nice to give people false hope 195 00:07:38,070 --> 00:07:39,630 with your little folk remedies. 196 00:07:39,630 --> 00:07:41,390 - It's not nice to give people false hope 197 00:07:41,390 --> 00:07:43,440 with your little medical diploma. 198 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,350 (mystical music) 199 00:07:45,350 --> 00:07:47,160 - Snooping, meddling, busy-body, I can't. 200 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:48,270 - Yasir. 201 00:07:48,273 --> 00:07:50,523 - Baber, was just talking about you. 202 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:51,350 - Talking to who? 203 00:07:51,353 --> 00:07:53,903 And what are you doing with our sign? 204 00:07:53,895 --> 00:07:55,785 - Our sign? Oh, it's much too small. 205 00:07:57,517 --> 00:08:00,717 Yes. It's so embarrassing to have this puny board hanging 206 00:08:00,716 --> 00:08:01,546 above the door about beloved mosque. 207 00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:03,907 That's why Amaan took it down 208 00:08:03,910 --> 00:08:06,490 and some idiot put it back up. 209 00:08:06,490 --> 00:08:07,730 Can you believe it? 210 00:08:07,730 --> 00:08:08,810 People have no pride. 211 00:08:08,810 --> 00:08:09,810 - Yes. 212 00:08:09,810 --> 00:08:12,910 - Now, let's keep it down until we find a better one. 213 00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:16,720 Something big, grand, spectacular, we'll meet next week. 214 00:08:16,719 --> 00:08:19,049 (mystical music) 215 00:08:19,046 --> 00:08:22,186 - Next week? I say let's order their new sign today. 216 00:08:23,452 --> 00:08:25,652 Let's shout Islam from the rooftops. 217 00:08:25,648 --> 00:08:27,668 (slow guitar music) 218 00:08:27,671 --> 00:08:29,341 - And now here with everything you've always wanted 219 00:08:29,340 --> 00:08:30,480 to know about Christianity, 220 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,280 but we're afraid you'd be converted. 221 00:08:33,158 --> 00:08:34,608 Welcome sister, Sarah. 222 00:08:34,608 --> 00:08:37,108 (crowd claps) 223 00:08:37,961 --> 00:08:39,171 - Thank you. 224 00:08:39,169 --> 00:08:40,069 Where to begin? 225 00:08:40,070 --> 00:08:44,550 Okay. Well, Christianity started a long, long time ago. 226 00:08:44,550 --> 00:08:47,360 - 2007 years ago. 227 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,540 - Oh, good for you, Fatima. 228 00:08:48,540 --> 00:08:49,640 How did you know that? 229 00:08:50,648 --> 00:08:51,478 - I have a calendar. 230 00:08:51,481 --> 00:08:53,171 (crowd laughs) 231 00:08:53,170 --> 00:08:54,000 - Tough crowd. 232 00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:56,760 Oh Yasir, yes, do you have a question? 233 00:08:57,609 --> 00:08:58,439 - Yes, my seat smells. 234 00:08:58,442 --> 00:08:59,672 Is that why they call it a Pew? 235 00:09:00,524 --> 00:09:03,404 (crowd laughs) 236 00:09:03,402 --> 00:09:04,242 - You better behave. 237 00:09:04,235 --> 00:09:05,595 You'll get the strap. 238 00:09:05,601 --> 00:09:07,221 - Promises. 239 00:09:07,220 --> 00:09:08,700 - Do something exciting. 240 00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:09,530 - Like what? 241 00:09:10,490 --> 00:09:11,320 Oh, I know. I know. 242 00:09:11,323 --> 00:09:12,593 Communion. 243 00:09:12,588 --> 00:09:16,028 - Sister Sarah, why don't you tell us all about Communion? 244 00:09:16,030 --> 00:09:19,790 - Well, Communion is where the minister blesses 245 00:09:19,794 --> 00:09:23,094 the wafers and the grape juice 246 00:09:23,090 --> 00:09:25,760 to represent the body and blood of Christ. 247 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:27,230 - Why? 248 00:09:27,230 --> 00:09:29,620 - So we can eat them. 249 00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:31,820 - I will not engage in cannibalism. 250 00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:34,844 (crowd laughs) 251 00:09:34,838 --> 00:09:35,868 - Or maybe we can start the singing? 252 00:09:35,870 --> 00:09:37,360 - Oh, that's good. Okay. 253 00:09:38,285 --> 00:09:39,965 - Um, a hymn. We'll do a hymn. 254 00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:43,440 Alright, hymn number 405. 255 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:44,360 All rise. 256 00:09:48,595 --> 00:09:51,845 (musician plays organ) 257 00:09:54,593 --> 00:09:58,093 (audience starts singing) 258 00:10:12,049 --> 00:10:13,379 - Very good. Very good. 259 00:10:13,384 --> 00:10:15,014 Everybody can sit down. 260 00:10:15,010 --> 00:10:16,140 Oh, Reverend Macgee. 261 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,130 - Sorry. I'm late. 262 00:10:19,130 --> 00:10:20,770 - No, you're just in time. 263 00:10:20,774 --> 00:10:22,364 - Yes. Oh, wait til you hear the hymn. 264 00:10:22,364 --> 00:10:23,304 We'll do it again. 265 00:10:23,303 --> 00:10:24,523 - Fatima, would you lead us off? 266 00:10:24,519 --> 00:10:25,559 (cellphone rings) 267 00:10:25,562 --> 00:10:28,562 (organ music plays) 268 00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:30,381 (Yasir mumbles) 269 00:10:30,382 --> 00:10:32,882 (crowd sings) 270 00:10:35,905 --> 00:10:37,935 - Stop, stop, stop, stop. 271 00:10:37,940 --> 00:10:40,210 This is horrible, a disaster. 272 00:10:40,210 --> 00:10:41,040 - It is? 273 00:10:41,043 --> 00:10:42,863 - But, they're getting better all the time. 274 00:10:43,837 --> 00:10:45,447 - Exactly, that's not Anglican. 275 00:10:46,873 --> 00:10:48,553 The Archdeacon will see right through them 276 00:10:49,544 --> 00:10:50,694 and the way they all stood all at once 277 00:10:50,690 --> 00:10:52,090 and with such a vigor. 278 00:10:52,090 --> 00:10:54,260 No, no, no, no, no, no. 279 00:10:55,430 --> 00:10:58,610 The older congregants jump right up 280 00:10:58,610 --> 00:11:01,430 as though we've just opened up the buffet 281 00:11:01,430 --> 00:11:05,720 and then some of them lag behind because they're stone deaf. 282 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:10,130 And then there's always the ones who drag themselves up 283 00:11:10,130 --> 00:11:12,860 like teenagers that have been asked to do the dishes. 284 00:11:12,860 --> 00:11:14,800 Now you see them. 285 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:16,030 All right. 286 00:11:16,030 --> 00:11:17,460 Come on. 287 00:11:17,460 --> 00:11:19,460 Let's try rising again. 288 00:11:19,463 --> 00:11:20,333 (Yasir mumbles) 289 00:11:20,325 --> 00:11:23,005 (crowd rustles) 290 00:11:23,014 --> 00:11:25,014 (Yasir gasps) 291 00:11:25,007 --> 00:11:26,257 - Let's get this perfectly wrong people. 292 00:11:26,260 --> 00:11:28,050 The Archdeacon comes on Sunday. 293 00:11:28,052 --> 00:11:29,442 (door slams) 294 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:30,270 (organ music) 295 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:33,613 - The Archdeacon is coming. The Archdeacon is coming! 296 00:11:33,612 --> 00:11:36,362 (crowd scatters) 297 00:11:37,378 --> 00:11:40,038 (gloomy organ music) 298 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:40,870 - The Archdeacon is coming. 299 00:11:40,873 --> 00:11:43,963 (fast vibrant music) 300 00:11:45,090 --> 00:11:48,010 (brooms fall) 301 00:11:48,010 --> 00:11:51,780 - Hello, I'm the Archdeacon Gladwin. 302 00:11:51,783 --> 00:11:53,843 Oh, are you the janitor? 303 00:11:57,274 --> 00:12:00,834 - Yes, yes. Your holiness, your holiness, 304 00:12:00,830 --> 00:12:01,830 how was the Vatican? 305 00:12:02,770 --> 00:12:04,210 - What are you talking about? 306 00:12:04,210 --> 00:12:05,860 What kind of an Anglican are you? 307 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,640 - Lapsed, since birth. 308 00:12:10,356 --> 00:12:11,966 - Where is Macgee? I want to have a look around. 309 00:12:11,970 --> 00:12:13,230 - Wait. 310 00:12:13,225 --> 00:12:14,055 - What? 311 00:12:16,908 --> 00:12:18,908 - You're the Archdeacon. 312 00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:24,253 - I told you that already. 313 00:12:24,251 --> 00:12:25,971 I wondered where I'd heard it. 314 00:12:25,965 --> 00:12:29,125 (bright guitar music) 315 00:12:32,260 --> 00:12:35,710 - Archdeacon Gladwin, you're early. 316 00:12:36,620 --> 00:12:38,680 I thought you were coming on Sunday. 317 00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:41,190 - Ah, shut down a church in Dog River. 318 00:12:41,190 --> 00:12:42,290 There was nothing going on. 319 00:12:42,290 --> 00:12:44,920 So I thought I'd come a few days early. 320 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,820 Is that a problem? 321 00:12:46,818 --> 00:12:50,318 - I was told you'll be here through the weekend. 322 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:51,930 Oh, how, how wonderful 323 00:12:51,930 --> 00:12:53,740 - I want the tour of the church now. 324 00:12:54,866 --> 00:12:55,696 - Of course, of course. 325 00:12:56,832 --> 00:12:57,982 I was just thinking that perhaps 326 00:12:57,983 --> 00:13:01,833 we might want to have a glass of wine first. 327 00:13:01,830 --> 00:13:02,980 - Oh, the wine can wait. 328 00:13:02,980 --> 00:13:04,910 Well, of course, of course after all 329 00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:08,830 the Margot has already waited 35 years. 330 00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:11,570 - You've got a 72 Margo. 331 00:13:15,690 --> 00:13:18,960 Well, I wouldn't want to stifle your hospitality. 332 00:13:18,963 --> 00:13:19,803 (laughing) 333 00:13:19,796 --> 00:13:22,876 (bright organ music) 334 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:25,570 - What is wrong with you? 335 00:13:26,410 --> 00:13:28,000 - Well, I have managed to narrow it down 336 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,750 to a couple of possibilities, 337 00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:33,120 African killer bees or a killer African. 338 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:34,640 - You're not using enough. 339 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:37,010 - Why? Because I'm still alive? 340 00:13:37,010 --> 00:13:39,110 You were supposed to fix my back. 341 00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:41,800 - Your back is a symptom of your crippled box. 342 00:13:42,893 --> 00:13:44,373 It's all the racism coming out of you. 343 00:13:44,370 --> 00:13:45,200 - Oh no, it's not. 344 00:13:45,203 --> 00:13:46,963 There's plenty more in there where that came from. 345 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,120 - You have a poisoned soul. 346 00:13:49,116 --> 00:13:49,946 - And a greenback. 347 00:13:49,949 --> 00:13:52,409 I might be coming down with black plague or yellow fever. 348 00:13:52,410 --> 00:13:53,420 - If it doesn't clear up, 349 00:13:53,420 --> 00:13:55,140 you can eat here free for the rest of your life. 350 00:13:55,140 --> 00:13:57,660 - Which might not amount to about two more meals 351 00:13:57,661 --> 00:13:58,491 at this rate. 352 00:13:58,494 --> 00:14:01,104 (slow xylophone music) 353 00:14:01,097 --> 00:14:02,147 - Thank goodness I diverted him. 354 00:14:02,150 --> 00:14:03,490 you should've seen me. 355 00:14:03,490 --> 00:14:05,690 - He says, "You're a clever little janitor." 356 00:14:06,619 --> 00:14:08,339 - That's what you have your faith did, didn't I? 357 00:14:08,337 --> 00:14:09,167 - Oh, all the trouble we go through to save 358 00:14:09,170 --> 00:14:11,180 your free office space. 359 00:14:11,180 --> 00:14:13,260 - And nothing if not noble. 360 00:14:13,260 --> 00:14:14,270 - What are we going to do on Sunday 361 00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:15,820 to hide all those headscarves? 362 00:14:17,037 --> 00:14:19,197 - Oh, Easter bonnets. 363 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:20,490 - It's not Easter. 364 00:14:20,490 --> 00:14:21,550 - When is Easter? 365 00:14:21,550 --> 00:14:22,630 - April. 366 00:14:22,630 --> 00:14:25,800 - That's when baby Jesus sees his own shadow, right? 367 00:14:27,410 --> 00:14:28,240 - Be quiet. 368 00:14:29,790 --> 00:14:32,540 (mystical music) 369 00:14:33,598 --> 00:14:36,678 (church organ music) 370 00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:42,220 - Nice work with the hats. 371 00:14:42,220 --> 00:14:44,770 - Oh, it's Easter parade meets monster truck rally. 372 00:14:46,267 --> 00:14:48,487 - Today's parable of the two brothers 373 00:14:49,740 --> 00:14:51,940 illustrates the sin 374 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:53,920 of lying. 375 00:14:56,260 --> 00:14:58,970 And we all know the wages of sin 376 00:14:59,890 --> 00:15:01,160 are death. 377 00:15:02,020 --> 00:15:05,170 Better by far to be the tax collector 378 00:15:06,430 --> 00:15:08,250 or the prostitute 379 00:15:10,330 --> 00:15:13,210 who answers God's call honestly. 380 00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:17,280 Then he, who just says what he thinks 381 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:19,280 God wants to hear. 382 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:25,670 Terrible is the punishment of he who defies the Lord. 383 00:15:28,313 --> 00:15:30,473 Even the little children. 384 00:15:30,470 --> 00:15:33,750 Can he escape the eyeball bastion 385 00:15:33,750 --> 00:15:35,720 skin peeling agony 386 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:37,790 of hell? 387 00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:42,330 All right. 388 00:15:49,770 --> 00:15:52,800 - A message for the entire family. 389 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:55,300 (crowd sings) 390 00:15:56,379 --> 00:15:57,209 (drilling) 391 00:15:57,212 --> 00:15:59,422 - Now, all we got to do is get the speakers hooked up. 392 00:16:06,810 --> 00:16:09,550 - And so ends this service. 393 00:16:09,550 --> 00:16:12,420 Go to love and serve the Lord. 394 00:16:12,417 --> 00:16:13,247 (crowd chants) 395 00:16:13,250 --> 00:16:14,180 - Amen 396 00:16:14,184 --> 00:16:16,444 - Amen, amen, amen, amen. 397 00:16:16,441 --> 00:16:17,341 (organ music) 398 00:16:17,341 --> 00:16:18,411 (hushes) 399 00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:20,101 - Once, that'll do. 400 00:16:20,097 --> 00:16:21,077 - Can I go now? 401 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,530 I have to get back to the cafe. 402 00:16:23,532 --> 00:16:25,172 - What happened to day of rest? 403 00:16:25,165 --> 00:16:25,995 - What's happened to Muslim? 404 00:16:27,140 --> 00:16:29,140 - Nice try Macgee. 405 00:16:29,143 --> 00:16:31,313 But you don't expect me to believe 406 00:16:31,310 --> 00:16:34,070 that these people are your regular congregation. 407 00:16:34,070 --> 00:16:35,320 - Well, I suppose not. 408 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:36,980 - It's astonishing that you managed 409 00:16:36,980 --> 00:16:38,770 to convince so many Muslims 410 00:16:38,770 --> 00:16:41,260 to Anglicanism and just one week. 411 00:16:41,260 --> 00:16:44,960 And they say the missionary impulse is dead. 412 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,220 Good work, Duncan. 413 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:50,130 - Well, I'm glad you're satisfied. 414 00:16:51,538 --> 00:16:52,368 - Oh. 415 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,220 Lovely. 416 00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:57,680 I can hardly wait for the third quarter returns. 417 00:16:58,613 --> 00:17:00,743 You know, we should go cut the collection plate. 418 00:17:00,740 --> 00:17:03,270 Perhaps have a wee drink to celebrate. 419 00:17:03,267 --> 00:17:05,347 (laughs) 420 00:17:12,754 --> 00:17:13,904 - Looks like your plan worked. 421 00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:15,560 - No one's more surprised than I am. 422 00:17:15,562 --> 00:17:18,302 (chanting) 423 00:17:18,298 --> 00:17:23,298 - What was that? 424 00:17:28,067 --> 00:17:30,847 - Too loud. Turn it off. 425 00:17:30,851 --> 00:17:32,231 - What the heck is that? 426 00:17:32,231 --> 00:17:34,321 - Go to prayer. What kind of Muslim are you? 427 00:17:34,317 --> 00:17:35,257 - What are you doing? 428 00:17:35,260 --> 00:17:37,150 - What you never do, finish your job. 429 00:17:37,150 --> 00:17:39,700 Our little mosque will be the envy of the prairies. 430 00:17:42,319 --> 00:17:46,259 - Mosque? There's a mosque on church property. 431 00:17:46,260 --> 00:17:48,790 - Yes. I'm afraid news of their conversion 432 00:17:48,790 --> 00:17:50,390 was slightly premature. 433 00:17:51,339 --> 00:17:52,169 - What are you playing at? 434 00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:53,212 - Interfaith experiment. 435 00:17:53,210 --> 00:17:55,600 - Muslim Christian exchange program. 436 00:17:55,601 --> 00:17:56,641 - Church swap. 437 00:17:56,638 --> 00:17:58,078 - Enough. You're office now. 438 00:17:59,887 --> 00:18:00,717 - I'm not a prostitute. 439 00:18:01,610 --> 00:18:04,100 - So, how do you like the new sign? 440 00:18:04,097 --> 00:18:04,977 (crowd claps) 441 00:18:04,983 --> 00:18:07,573 (bright music) 442 00:18:13,420 --> 00:18:14,910 - Your face looks better. 443 00:18:14,910 --> 00:18:16,830 - My back is worse. 444 00:18:16,830 --> 00:18:18,130 - Good. Now you're ready. 445 00:18:19,357 --> 00:18:20,207 - Ready for what? 446 00:18:21,130 --> 00:18:23,620 - You have been asking for this for a long time. 447 00:18:23,615 --> 00:18:25,165 - What are you doing? Get your mitts off me. 448 00:18:25,174 --> 00:18:27,994 (back cracks) 449 00:18:27,985 --> 00:18:30,895 - Oh, hey, that feels a lot better. 450 00:18:30,898 --> 00:18:32,818 - I'll take that as a thank you. 451 00:18:32,817 --> 00:18:35,037 - Yeah, I haven't felt this good in a long time. 452 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:36,410 - What are you doing? 453 00:18:36,410 --> 00:18:38,340 Shouldn't be jumping around with your condition. 454 00:18:38,339 --> 00:18:39,429 - Oh, what condition? 455 00:18:39,430 --> 00:18:41,520 Fatima cured me. 456 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,390 - Oh, yes. I've seen this before. 457 00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:45,550 He's talked himself into believing 458 00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:47,070 that your medicine worked. 459 00:18:47,070 --> 00:18:50,630 - You've talked yourself into believing you're a doctor. 460 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,260 - The stuff you gave him should have been tested 461 00:18:52,260 --> 00:18:54,900 in double-blind clinical trials for months. 462 00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:56,210 - Oh, forgive me. 463 00:18:56,210 --> 00:18:58,170 I only use medicine that's been tested 464 00:18:58,170 --> 00:19:00,250 in my country for thousands of years. 465 00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:02,890 - Okay. 466 00:19:02,890 --> 00:19:03,720 Whatever. 467 00:19:05,380 --> 00:19:07,400 You'll be back in my office in a week. 468 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:08,430 - Yeah. 469 00:19:08,430 --> 00:19:09,260 To gloat. 470 00:19:11,043 --> 00:19:13,073 Fatima, sweetheart. 471 00:19:13,070 --> 00:19:15,550 That lotion crap you gave me for my back. 472 00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:18,424 That was just to soften it up so you can fix me, right? 473 00:19:18,420 --> 00:19:21,890 - No. I want you to see you suffer in a little bit longer. 474 00:19:21,888 --> 00:19:22,718 - Ah. 475 00:19:22,721 --> 00:19:24,011 (slow banjo music) 476 00:19:24,011 --> 00:19:25,211 - Lying. 477 00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:26,037 Cheating. 478 00:19:28,178 --> 00:19:29,098 Pretending. 479 00:19:31,288 --> 00:19:33,858 And you call yourself a minister? 480 00:19:33,860 --> 00:19:36,040 - Well, not anymore. 481 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,320 I guess now I'm a minister without portfolio. 482 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,820 - Will you stop feeling sorry for yourself? 483 00:19:40,817 --> 00:19:43,817 - But I just started feeling sorry for myself. 484 00:19:43,820 --> 00:19:47,370 - Your little subterfuge is over. 485 00:19:47,370 --> 00:19:49,300 - You're shutting us down. 486 00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:50,720 - What? 487 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,010 With the money making mosque on the property? 488 00:19:53,010 --> 00:19:54,330 Oh no, no. 489 00:19:54,329 --> 00:19:56,169 These Muslims are a godsend. 490 00:19:56,170 --> 00:19:58,720 I'm just making sure that we get our cut, you know? 491 00:20:00,177 --> 00:20:01,997 - But, I need that money to run the church. 492 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,320 - I'm sorry. 493 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,850 Did someone give you the impression the Anglican church 494 00:20:05,850 --> 00:20:07,540 is a democracy? 495 00:20:07,543 --> 00:20:09,543 (laughs) 496 00:20:09,540 --> 00:20:12,640 - No, no the diocese wants their money. 497 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,540 - Right? I get to keep my church. 498 00:20:14,540 --> 00:20:15,780 I just can't afford to run it. 499 00:20:15,780 --> 00:20:19,240 - Oh, I'm a poor wee minister. 500 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:24,020 Oh, Macgee. Don't make me do all the work. 501 00:20:24,950 --> 00:20:27,050 If you cannot keep afloat, call me. 502 00:20:27,050 --> 00:20:30,140 And I'll make sure the diocese closes you down. 503 00:20:31,572 --> 00:20:32,782 All Right. 504 00:20:32,775 --> 00:20:33,605 Ta-ta. 505 00:20:33,608 --> 00:20:34,438 (bright music) 506 00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:37,341 (laughs) 507 00:20:37,341 --> 00:20:40,291 (mystical music) 508 00:20:40,287 --> 00:20:41,687 - Did you solve the problem? 509 00:20:42,612 --> 00:20:45,302 - Afraid not, the mosque can't afford to pay more. 510 00:20:45,297 --> 00:20:46,987 - And there's no more money in the parish. 511 00:20:46,992 --> 00:20:48,432 - Don't be defeatist. 512 00:20:48,425 --> 00:20:49,525 Think like businessmen, 513 00:20:49,530 --> 00:20:51,250 find an asset that's not making money, 514 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,240 turn it into a profit center. 515 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:54,270 - That hadn't occurred to us. 516 00:20:54,271 --> 00:20:55,101 - No, no. 517 00:20:55,104 --> 00:20:55,944 - There must be someplace in the building 518 00:20:55,937 --> 00:20:58,017 that's not maximizing its potential. 519 00:20:58,020 --> 00:20:59,320 - But isn't that ruthless? 520 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,240 - You have got to be ruthless. 521 00:21:01,243 --> 00:21:02,603 Believe me, if there's anything or anyone 522 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,020 that's not pulling their weight 523 00:21:04,020 --> 00:21:05,160 drag them into the office 524 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,120 turn them upside down, shake out their pockets. 525 00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:09,700 - You know, I think Yasir's right. 526 00:21:09,700 --> 00:21:11,560 - Of course, I'm right. 527 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,500 - What do you think we should charge him? 528 00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:14,730 - Oh, someone in the neighborhood- 529 00:21:14,730 --> 00:21:16,530 - What? Charge Who? Me? 530 00:21:16,534 --> 00:21:19,664 Gentlemen, let's not be ruthless. 531 00:21:19,660 --> 00:21:21,190 This is my free office space. 532 00:21:21,190 --> 00:21:24,010 How could it be free if I'm paying rent? 533 00:21:24,010 --> 00:21:25,270 - If we both grabbed a leg, 534 00:21:25,270 --> 00:21:28,340 do you think we could lift him up and shake out his pockets? 535 00:21:28,340 --> 00:21:32,190 - What have I done to deserve this betrayal? 536 00:21:32,190 --> 00:21:33,020 What? 537 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,550 - Let's start at the beginning. Shall we brother, Yasir? 538 00:21:37,439 --> 00:21:40,189 (mystical music)