1 00:00:04,957 --> 00:00:09,387 ♪ Fred Tupper ♪ 2 00:00:09,387 --> 00:00:11,637 - We're back with Wake Up, People. 3 00:00:11,641 --> 00:00:13,221 Now, folks, everybody knows 4 00:00:13,223 --> 00:00:15,263 that Freddy Tupper goes out of his way 5 00:00:15,256 --> 00:00:17,496 to think the best of your Moslems, 6 00:00:17,503 --> 00:00:20,103 but it doesn't mean I'm going to give 'em a free pass. 7 00:00:20,102 --> 00:00:22,552 Did you know that the lights at Mercy Mosque 8 00:00:22,549 --> 00:00:25,309 flicker on and off every night? 9 00:00:25,309 --> 00:00:28,919 Are they sending some kind of secret signals? 10 00:00:28,919 --> 00:00:32,699 Now, look, I'm not saying there's any cause for paranoia, 11 00:00:32,704 --> 00:00:33,974 but how much longer will it be 12 00:00:33,969 --> 00:00:36,909 before we're all speaking Moslem? 13 00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:38,641 Keep your eyes open, folks. 14 00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:40,939 Don't let down the old guarderino. 15 00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:42,680 And wake up, people. 16 00:00:42,684 --> 00:00:44,344 Freddy Tupper, over and out. 17 00:00:44,338 --> 00:00:45,548 - Yes, Mrs. Birchwood. 18 00:00:45,552 --> 00:00:47,352 Will do, thank you. 19 00:00:47,345 --> 00:00:49,545 - Are you listening to this? 20 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:50,379 - Huh? 21 00:00:50,382 --> 00:00:52,402 Oh yes, a lovely tune. 22 00:00:52,401 --> 00:00:53,481 - No. 23 00:00:53,482 --> 00:00:55,872 Fred Tupper spewing his hate, 24 00:00:55,867 --> 00:00:57,567 talking about flickering lights and... 25 00:00:58,895 --> 00:01:01,215 And that's one more reason why you need to fix the wiring. 26 00:01:01,217 --> 00:01:03,817 - It's on the top of my to-do list for next week. 27 00:01:03,818 --> 00:01:06,178 - I'd love for it to be on the top of your to-done list. 28 00:01:06,183 --> 00:01:08,883 - Well then, consider it to-done. 29 00:01:08,882 --> 00:01:11,042 First, I have to meet it a very important client. 30 00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:11,947 - Hang on, before you go, 31 00:01:11,945 --> 00:01:14,845 I was planning on holding an open house next week. 32 00:01:14,845 --> 00:01:15,865 I could really use your help. 33 00:01:15,870 --> 00:01:17,030 - Did I say I'd help? 34 00:01:17,029 --> 00:01:17,859 - Not yet. 35 00:01:17,862 --> 00:01:18,752 - Good, 'cause I cannot. 36 00:01:18,748 --> 00:01:20,818 - Don't you care about helping improve the image 37 00:01:20,818 --> 00:01:21,878 of the Muslim community? 38 00:01:21,881 --> 00:01:24,261 - Absolutely, in my off season. 39 00:01:24,255 --> 00:01:27,245 - Don't you care about bringing people together? 40 00:01:27,250 --> 00:01:30,990 - A good, great hobby when I retire. 41 00:01:30,986 --> 00:01:32,666 - Don't you care about making dozens 42 00:01:32,668 --> 00:01:35,088 of new business contacts? 43 00:01:35,088 --> 00:01:36,598 - As I was saying, 44 00:01:36,595 --> 00:01:39,305 I would love to help with the open house. 45 00:01:39,312 --> 00:01:40,962 What would you like me to do? 46 00:01:43,551 --> 00:01:45,051 I'll fix the lights. 47 00:02:19,793 --> 00:02:21,963 - So, when are you planning to have the open house? 48 00:02:21,957 --> 00:02:23,217 - As soon as possible. 49 00:02:23,221 --> 00:02:25,401 - It sounds like a great photo op. 50 00:02:25,399 --> 00:02:27,339 You know what I say about photo ops. 51 00:02:27,342 --> 00:02:29,802 Hello, photo op. - Hello, photo op. 52 00:02:29,796 --> 00:02:32,026 - I'm pretty much out of-- 53 00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:33,457 - Oh, sorry. 54 00:02:33,460 --> 00:02:34,830 - Town by the middle of the month. 55 00:02:34,831 --> 00:02:36,251 How about Sunday? 56 00:02:37,420 --> 00:02:38,280 - Perfect. 57 00:02:38,277 --> 00:02:40,937 - A celebration of diversity. 58 00:02:40,944 --> 00:02:42,444 - That'll be our poster. 59 00:02:43,544 --> 00:02:46,014 - It's not gonna be one of those multi-culti snooze fests 60 00:02:46,007 --> 00:02:48,337 with long speeches and bad skits, is it? 61 00:02:48,343 --> 00:02:49,183 No offense. 62 00:02:49,176 --> 00:02:51,126 - I'll cancel the camel ride. 63 00:02:51,126 --> 00:02:52,256 - Camel rides? 64 00:02:52,262 --> 00:02:53,102 - He's kidding. 65 00:02:53,095 --> 00:02:54,005 - I know. 66 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,627 - I'm gonna gather input from everyone 67 00:02:55,625 --> 00:02:57,955 and boil it down to my own 10 minute presentation. 68 00:02:57,964 --> 00:03:01,614 - Oh, could I hand out brochures about my new tax plan? 69 00:03:01,607 --> 00:03:05,057 - I don't know what taxes have to do with Islamic-- 70 00:03:05,056 --> 00:03:05,886 - You know what? 71 00:03:05,889 --> 00:03:08,559 I think I might have a conflict. 72 00:03:09,482 --> 00:03:13,142 - Come to think of it, kids love tax brochures. 73 00:03:13,138 --> 00:03:15,638 - You'd make a good politician 74 00:03:17,878 --> 00:03:21,538 - I like the work you've done on our family room, Yasir. 75 00:03:21,543 --> 00:03:23,223 - Only use the best. 76 00:03:23,222 --> 00:03:25,072 This is my motto. 77 00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:27,844 - I thought your motto was we build cheap. 78 00:03:27,839 --> 00:03:31,639 - I only have room for one motto on my truck. 79 00:03:31,644 --> 00:03:33,554 - There's just one problem. 80 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,207 The lighting, it's a bit modern. 81 00:03:37,853 --> 00:03:39,013 - I can use older stock? 82 00:03:39,014 --> 00:03:41,174 I keep everything, everything. 83 00:03:41,171 --> 00:03:43,591 If Mrs. Birchwood wants new fixtures, 84 00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:45,260 no problem, no extra cost. 85 00:03:47,239 --> 00:03:48,209 - What's wrong with your lighting? 86 00:03:48,206 --> 00:03:51,006 - I'll have my electricians fix it as soon as possible 87 00:03:51,013 --> 00:03:52,423 after they finished at your house. 88 00:03:52,416 --> 00:03:53,996 - That's what I like to hear. 89 00:03:53,996 --> 00:03:57,766 Now, the missus wants a warmer feel. 90 00:03:57,772 --> 00:04:01,502 She saw something in a hotel in Provence. 91 00:04:01,497 --> 00:04:03,997 - Which Provence, Manitoba or Saskatchewan? 92 00:04:06,020 --> 00:04:06,990 - You're witty. 93 00:04:06,988 --> 00:04:07,878 I like that. 94 00:04:07,883 --> 00:04:09,903 Provence in France. 95 00:04:09,901 --> 00:04:12,821 - Importing from Europe is very expensive. 96 00:04:12,821 --> 00:04:16,001 - Good thing you're picking up the difference then. 97 00:04:15,998 --> 00:04:17,848 - I did say that, didn't I? 98 00:04:17,849 --> 00:04:19,169 - Yes, you did. 99 00:04:19,167 --> 00:04:20,427 Another thing. 100 00:04:20,431 --> 00:04:24,561 All the rewiring has to be done by Sunday, 101 00:04:24,563 --> 00:04:25,633 wife's birthday. 102 00:04:25,630 --> 00:04:26,460 - This Sunday? 103 00:04:26,463 --> 00:04:28,003 - I trust that not a problem. 104 00:04:27,999 --> 00:04:29,749 - Twice as much time as I need. 105 00:04:29,745 --> 00:04:30,875 - Give me some of your cards. 106 00:04:30,881 --> 00:04:32,461 I'll hand them out at the club. 107 00:04:32,461 --> 00:04:34,361 - The country club? 108 00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,241 Don't waste them on the caddies. 109 00:04:36,237 --> 00:04:39,027 - Don't worry, I never talk to caddies. 110 00:04:39,025 --> 00:04:41,945 - A mosque is not a tourist attraction. 111 00:04:41,945 --> 00:04:43,915 I won't support the open house. 112 00:04:43,921 --> 00:04:46,471 - You don't support the fight against ignorance and hatred? 113 00:04:46,470 --> 00:04:48,320 - I'd support it if white people 114 00:04:48,315 --> 00:04:49,925 weren't so ignorant and hateful. 115 00:04:49,933 --> 00:04:52,733 - People are afraid of things they don't understand. 116 00:04:52,731 --> 00:04:53,761 - That's true. 117 00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:57,011 That's why I'm afraid of Baber. 118 00:04:57,006 --> 00:04:59,256 - All these foreigners trooping in, 119 00:04:59,264 --> 00:05:01,514 we're going to need security guards, 120 00:05:01,507 --> 00:05:03,747 metal detectors, bomb sniffing dogs. 121 00:05:03,745 --> 00:05:04,725 - Okay. 122 00:05:04,729 --> 00:05:06,569 If you're so worried about your personal safety, 123 00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:08,874 why don't you stay home this Sunday? 124 00:05:08,871 --> 00:05:09,991 - This Sunday? 125 00:05:09,994 --> 00:05:10,834 No, no, no, no, no, no. 126 00:05:10,827 --> 00:05:11,657 That's impossible. 127 00:05:11,660 --> 00:05:14,750 I said I would fix the lights before the open house. 128 00:05:14,749 --> 00:05:15,839 I promised. 129 00:05:15,837 --> 00:05:16,667 - And? 130 00:05:18,544 --> 00:05:21,654 - And it's twice as long as I need. 131 00:05:21,650 --> 00:05:22,750 - So, will you be home for dinner? 132 00:05:22,747 --> 00:05:23,577 - I should be. 133 00:05:23,580 --> 00:05:24,410 What are we having? 134 00:05:24,413 --> 00:05:26,813 - A couscous chicken curry and a veggie stir fry. 135 00:05:26,813 --> 00:05:28,933 - Mom, you're really getting ambitious. 136 00:05:28,932 --> 00:05:30,922 In that case, I'll definitely be there. 137 00:05:30,921 --> 00:05:31,751 I gotta get my purse. 138 00:05:31,754 --> 00:05:32,594 - Okay. 139 00:05:32,587 --> 00:05:33,907 You'll have the take out ready at quarter to, right? 140 00:05:33,905 --> 00:05:34,735 - Of course. 141 00:05:34,738 --> 00:05:35,568 - Good. 142 00:05:37,524 --> 00:05:39,084 - You're doing the cooking, right? 143 00:05:39,079 --> 00:05:40,019 - Of course. 144 00:05:40,015 --> 00:05:40,925 - Thank God. 145 00:05:40,925 --> 00:05:42,715 - Baber, you're being paranoid. 146 00:05:42,716 --> 00:05:45,366 Nothing bad is gonna happen to that open house. 147 00:05:45,365 --> 00:05:47,535 - Nothing's going to happen good or bad 148 00:05:47,536 --> 00:05:49,416 unless Yasir fixes the lights. 149 00:05:49,421 --> 00:05:50,951 - He promised. 150 00:05:50,947 --> 00:05:52,887 - Promises mean nothing to him. 151 00:05:52,885 --> 00:05:55,415 - My promises mean everything to me. 152 00:05:55,420 --> 00:05:58,080 I promised to find a mosque by Ramadan. 153 00:05:58,084 --> 00:05:59,094 I found a mosque. 154 00:05:59,090 --> 00:06:00,270 I promise to find an imam 155 00:06:00,273 --> 00:06:01,763 who would work for next to nothing. 156 00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:03,872 - Just say you'll get the lights fixed. 157 00:06:03,869 --> 00:06:04,869 - I'll fix the lights. 158 00:06:04,872 --> 00:06:06,232 - You're just saying you'll get the lights fixed. 159 00:06:06,234 --> 00:06:09,804 - Yes, but I will fix the lights. 160 00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:11,814 - These power surges are driving me nuts. 161 00:06:11,814 --> 00:06:13,804 I feel like I'm on death row. 162 00:06:16,249 --> 00:06:17,999 - "Dead Man Walking?" 163 00:06:20,968 --> 00:06:21,798 - Yasir. 164 00:06:24,398 --> 00:06:25,818 You don't even know what you're doing. 165 00:06:25,815 --> 00:06:27,485 What kind of contractor are you? 166 00:06:27,485 --> 00:06:29,235 - I am an excellent contractor. 167 00:06:29,242 --> 00:06:30,602 And as an excellent contractor, 168 00:06:30,596 --> 00:06:31,426 I can tell you 169 00:06:31,429 --> 00:06:33,569 I'm the last man I would hire to fix this wiring. 170 00:06:33,573 --> 00:06:35,773 - Get one of your electricians in here. 171 00:06:35,769 --> 00:06:37,059 That's why you get the free office space. 172 00:06:37,060 --> 00:06:39,170 - This is my number one priority. 173 00:06:39,170 --> 00:06:40,240 - This should be your-- 174 00:06:45,764 --> 00:06:47,904 - Hamoudi Contracting. 175 00:06:47,895 --> 00:06:50,305 Mrs. Birchwood, yes, how are you? 176 00:06:50,309 --> 00:06:53,229 Yes, yes, yes, I'll be right there. 177 00:06:56,223 --> 00:07:00,303 - As-Salaam-Alaikum. - Wa-Alaikum-Salaam. 178 00:07:00,304 --> 00:07:02,504 Nice, don't you think? - Beautiful. 179 00:07:02,496 --> 00:07:03,936 That's why I'm here. 180 00:07:03,936 --> 00:07:05,596 I don't want people leaving the open house 181 00:07:05,597 --> 00:07:08,097 thinking Islam treats women as second class citizens. 182 00:07:08,096 --> 00:07:09,776 - I agree completely. 183 00:07:09,781 --> 00:07:11,361 And I'd love your input. 184 00:07:11,359 --> 00:07:13,719 I think you have a unique take on this. 185 00:07:13,722 --> 00:07:15,962 - Unique, really? 186 00:07:15,956 --> 00:07:16,806 - Sure. 187 00:07:16,805 --> 00:07:18,055 I think people would find it surprising 188 00:07:18,061 --> 00:07:20,251 that there's such a thing as a Muslim feminist. 189 00:07:20,250 --> 00:07:21,660 - They'd never believe it. 190 00:07:21,656 --> 00:07:24,676 It's like finding a friendly Torontonian. 191 00:07:26,421 --> 00:07:29,621 They see the headscarf, they think oppression. 192 00:07:29,619 --> 00:07:32,389 - They can't get their head around it. 193 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,760 - You really do need help with this, don't you? 194 00:07:36,761 --> 00:07:37,591 - Yeah. 195 00:07:40,194 --> 00:07:42,264 Thanks for helping advertise the open house. 196 00:07:42,260 --> 00:07:45,690 - It's the least I can do for a paying customer. 197 00:07:45,688 --> 00:07:47,378 - Oh, right. 198 00:07:47,383 --> 00:07:50,183 I'll have a plate of fries. 199 00:07:50,184 --> 00:07:52,274 So you must have tons of information 200 00:07:52,265 --> 00:07:54,245 on the influence of Islam in Africa. 201 00:07:54,251 --> 00:07:57,231 - Yes, from an African perspective. 202 00:07:57,228 --> 00:08:00,968 You usually only hear the missionary position. 203 00:08:03,964 --> 00:08:05,334 What? 204 00:08:05,326 --> 00:08:06,666 - Forget it. 205 00:08:06,669 --> 00:08:07,499 - Men. 206 00:08:10,492 --> 00:08:11,662 - Looking good. 207 00:08:11,663 --> 00:08:12,763 - Brother Amaar, 208 00:08:12,763 --> 00:08:14,583 I thought we could teach the infidels 209 00:08:14,582 --> 00:08:16,212 a little bit of Arabic. 210 00:08:16,213 --> 00:08:17,743 - Before the open house on Sunday, 211 00:08:17,738 --> 00:08:20,558 could you find a better word than the infidels? 212 00:08:20,563 --> 00:08:21,723 - How about heathens? 213 00:08:21,716 --> 00:08:22,576 - No. 214 00:08:22,580 --> 00:08:23,430 - Crusaders? 215 00:08:23,427 --> 00:08:24,257 - No. 216 00:08:24,260 --> 00:08:25,150 - The faithless. 217 00:08:25,147 --> 00:08:25,977 - Keep trying. 218 00:08:25,980 --> 00:08:28,120 - Okay, I'll come up with something. 219 00:08:28,121 --> 00:08:29,711 What do you think of this? 220 00:08:29,714 --> 00:08:31,134 Minbar is pulpit, 221 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:33,650 and maybe a big sign, 222 00:08:33,652 --> 00:08:35,042 masjid equal mosque. 223 00:08:35,038 --> 00:08:35,998 - Cool. 224 00:08:36,004 --> 00:08:37,454 It's like Sesame Street. 225 00:08:37,449 --> 00:08:40,749 Today's show is brought to you by the letter alif. 226 00:08:40,750 --> 00:08:42,080 - Which reminds me, 227 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,030 have you got the metal detector yet? 228 00:08:44,028 --> 00:08:45,978 - Will you drop the paranoia? 229 00:08:45,977 --> 00:08:47,377 We get a radio show. 230 00:08:47,383 --> 00:08:48,613 - I've got it. 231 00:08:48,610 --> 00:08:49,530 Barbarians! 232 00:09:00,266 --> 00:09:02,176 Stand and fight, human! 233 00:09:02,178 --> 00:09:05,808 - One of my last remaining venial sins, I'm afraid. 234 00:09:05,810 --> 00:09:08,020 - At least the power's on in here. 235 00:09:08,024 --> 00:09:09,554 - Yasir knew about the electrical problem 236 00:09:09,547 --> 00:09:10,497 when he signed the lease. 237 00:09:10,498 --> 00:09:11,798 He said he was gonna upgrade it. 238 00:09:11,795 --> 00:09:14,155 - He's going to for the open house. 239 00:09:14,156 --> 00:09:16,476 I just came here to invite your congregation 240 00:09:16,477 --> 00:09:17,897 to join us on Sunday. 241 00:09:17,895 --> 00:09:18,725 - Oh. 242 00:09:22,123 --> 00:09:23,613 I'm afraid some of my blue hairs 243 00:09:23,611 --> 00:09:26,631 are a tad uncomfortable with a little mosque next door. 244 00:09:26,629 --> 00:09:28,749 A little too much Fred Tupper in their diet. 245 00:09:28,747 --> 00:09:30,557 - Hmm, speaking of diets, 246 00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:32,080 Fatima's doing the food. 247 00:09:32,076 --> 00:09:34,936 - Ooh, well that ought to get the old darlings in. 248 00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:37,062 As long as you have dinner on the table by 4:30. 249 00:09:37,062 --> 00:09:37,902 - Great. 250 00:09:38,899 --> 00:09:43,259 Well, I'll let you get back to your venial sin. 251 00:09:43,262 --> 00:09:44,832 Mere distraction. 252 00:09:44,832 --> 00:09:47,372 I don't take it seriously. 253 00:09:47,367 --> 00:09:50,117 Fight me, cowardly human! 254 00:09:50,121 --> 00:09:51,541 - You alien scum! 255 00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:56,305 - Here's one I get at the clinic. 256 00:09:56,314 --> 00:09:59,804 Why do you Moslems pray all the time, hm? 257 00:09:59,801 --> 00:10:02,131 - Okay, let me get this one. 258 00:10:04,026 --> 00:10:06,486 You will see my pasty white friend, 259 00:10:06,487 --> 00:10:07,577 it is like this. 260 00:10:07,582 --> 00:10:10,642 In prayer, every muscle and bone in the body 261 00:10:10,636 --> 00:10:12,806 joins the mind and the soul 262 00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:15,542 in the glory and worship of Allah. 263 00:10:15,541 --> 00:10:18,941 - No, that'll sound too weird for our Christian visitors. 264 00:10:18,944 --> 00:10:19,804 - Weird? 265 00:10:19,795 --> 00:10:21,475 They drink Jesus's blood. 266 00:10:21,482 --> 00:10:23,762 - Baber, please don't talk about things 267 00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:25,306 you don't understand. 268 00:10:25,313 --> 00:10:27,173 - Then he'd never say anything. 269 00:10:27,171 --> 00:10:28,811 - Amaar, you can help us. 270 00:10:28,806 --> 00:10:31,096 We're rehearsing our speeches for the open house. 271 00:10:31,102 --> 00:10:33,342 - Speeches, you don't need to make speeches. 272 00:10:33,338 --> 00:10:35,518 It's the imam's job to explain things. 273 00:10:35,518 --> 00:10:37,208 - So you're saying we don't need to worry 274 00:10:37,211 --> 00:10:38,991 our pretty little heads about this? 275 00:10:38,992 --> 00:10:42,222 - Well, Baber's head isn't all that pretty, but yes. 276 00:10:42,221 --> 00:10:44,571 - But what do you know about being a Muslim woman? 277 00:10:44,566 --> 00:10:46,256 - Or a Black Muslim woman? 278 00:10:46,258 --> 00:10:47,758 - Or a Muslim man? 279 00:10:48,762 --> 00:10:50,942 He doesn't even have a beard. 280 00:10:50,938 --> 00:10:53,158 If I don't get to talk, I'm out. 281 00:10:53,161 --> 00:10:54,611 I knew this was a bad idea. 282 00:10:54,614 --> 00:10:56,154 - I'm with Baber. 283 00:10:56,147 --> 00:10:58,157 We're, what's the word? 284 00:10:58,160 --> 00:10:59,120 - Boycotting. 285 00:10:59,115 --> 00:11:00,315 - I was going to say pissed off, 286 00:11:00,319 --> 00:11:02,489 but yes, we're boycotting. 287 00:11:05,351 --> 00:11:07,951 - Well, I guess it's just you and me. 288 00:11:07,952 --> 00:11:10,872 - Well, you've got that half right. 289 00:11:13,113 --> 00:11:14,983 - And need I even remind you folks 290 00:11:14,981 --> 00:11:16,821 that our illustrious she-mayor, 291 00:11:16,819 --> 00:11:19,909 Comrade Popowicz, has been duped once again 292 00:11:19,911 --> 00:11:23,561 by her public relations flack, Sarah Hamoudi. 293 00:11:24,389 --> 00:11:26,189 Note the Moslem surname. 294 00:11:26,194 --> 00:11:27,504 - She-mayor again? 295 00:11:27,502 --> 00:11:28,812 Who writes his material? 296 00:11:28,805 --> 00:11:29,675 - Oh, suck it up. 297 00:11:29,675 --> 00:11:31,485 He calls me Florence of Arabia. 298 00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:32,890 - Someone has to stop him. - Yes. 299 00:11:32,885 --> 00:11:33,755 - And now, apparently, 300 00:11:33,763 --> 00:11:37,013 our Moslem friends are having an open house. 301 00:11:37,005 --> 00:11:40,725 I suppose the suicide bombers will be selling date squares 302 00:11:40,725 --> 00:11:44,495 and the kiddies will be bobbing for hand grenades. 303 00:11:44,499 --> 00:11:46,859 - You should go on his show. 304 00:11:46,863 --> 00:11:48,123 - You know what'd be even better? 305 00:11:48,119 --> 00:11:48,949 - Poison darts. 306 00:11:48,954 --> 00:11:49,794 - Your tongue is sharper. 307 00:11:49,787 --> 00:11:50,617 You do it. 308 00:11:50,620 --> 00:11:51,450 - Me? 309 00:11:51,453 --> 00:11:52,293 - Chicken? 310 00:11:52,286 --> 00:11:53,116 - No. 311 00:11:53,119 --> 00:11:54,009 Yes, no. 312 00:11:54,013 --> 00:11:55,013 Bring him on. 313 00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:55,854 - Good. 314 00:11:55,847 --> 00:11:59,097 But order the poison darts as a backup. 315 00:11:59,947 --> 00:12:02,297 - And now, they're all boycotting the open house 316 00:12:02,303 --> 00:12:04,093 because I won't let them get up and talk. 317 00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:05,290 - Well, if you didn't want them to talk, 318 00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:07,202 how did they get the idea that were making speeches? 319 00:12:07,202 --> 00:12:08,712 - I don't know. 320 00:12:08,713 --> 00:12:10,243 Probably from me. 321 00:12:10,242 --> 00:12:11,802 Look, I used to be a lawyer. 322 00:12:11,802 --> 00:12:13,892 I'm still not that great with people. 323 00:12:13,888 --> 00:12:15,528 What do I do? 324 00:12:15,533 --> 00:12:17,763 - You might want to try begging. 325 00:12:17,762 --> 00:12:18,752 - You think? 326 00:12:18,750 --> 00:12:21,690 - Time-honored Christian tradition. 327 00:12:21,692 --> 00:12:23,192 How do the Muslims feel about begging? 328 00:12:23,194 --> 00:12:24,584 - Oh, we can't get enough of it. 329 00:12:24,583 --> 00:12:27,523 We beg for forgiveness from Allah all the time. 330 00:12:27,515 --> 00:12:29,765 I'm just not so sure about begging to people. 331 00:12:29,767 --> 00:12:31,447 How do I do that? 332 00:12:31,447 --> 00:12:33,027 - Be a man, grovel. 333 00:12:34,697 --> 00:12:36,897 - Yes, yes, Mrs. Birchwood, warmer lights, 334 00:12:36,896 --> 00:12:41,096 but your husband said we were going Provencal, 335 00:12:41,102 --> 00:12:44,912 so you can see where I might have gotten that idea? 336 00:12:44,907 --> 00:12:46,907 Italian is just as nice. 337 00:12:47,957 --> 00:12:49,967 Yes, I'll have every electrician in town 338 00:12:49,967 --> 00:12:51,657 at your house in an hour. 339 00:12:51,661 --> 00:12:52,941 Not quick enough. 340 00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:53,978 - In half an hour. 341 00:12:53,983 --> 00:12:56,453 - That's what I like to hear-- - Yes, thank you, yes. 342 00:13:00,741 --> 00:13:02,281 Why can't women make up their minds, darling? 343 00:13:02,275 --> 00:13:03,885 - I have no idea. 344 00:13:03,894 --> 00:13:06,724 Which one should I wear on Fred's show? 345 00:13:06,718 --> 00:13:08,788 - And you've been shopping. 346 00:13:08,785 --> 00:13:10,245 I like the less expensive one. 347 00:13:10,245 --> 00:13:12,265 - Okay, this one makes me look clever. 348 00:13:12,265 --> 00:13:14,355 This one is more flirty. 349 00:13:14,356 --> 00:13:15,186 What do you think? 350 00:13:15,189 --> 00:13:16,019 I can't decide. 351 00:13:16,022 --> 00:13:16,972 - It's radio, my darling. 352 00:13:16,966 --> 00:13:18,616 No one will see what you're wearing. 353 00:13:18,615 --> 00:13:20,215 - Fred will, that worm. 354 00:13:20,224 --> 00:13:23,484 - Always important to look your best when meeting worms. 355 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:24,440 - I'm glad you're both here. 356 00:13:24,438 --> 00:13:25,268 We have a crisis. 357 00:13:25,271 --> 00:13:26,251 - Okay, which one? 358 00:13:26,251 --> 00:13:27,501 Clever, flirty? 359 00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,850 - Each is a form of vanity, so it's hard to choose. 360 00:13:30,850 --> 00:13:33,460 - Oh please, less imam, more Armani. 361 00:13:33,460 --> 00:13:34,290 - What's this for anyway? 362 00:13:34,293 --> 00:13:35,403 - I'm going on Fred's show. 363 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,400 - Oh, in that case, I'd go with a bulletproof vest. 364 00:13:37,395 --> 00:13:39,215 Guys, we have a real problem with the open house. 365 00:13:39,224 --> 00:13:40,274 - We know, we know. 366 00:13:40,270 --> 00:13:41,740 Yasir's taking care of it. 367 00:13:41,744 --> 00:13:43,814 I'll drop you off, darling. 368 00:13:43,808 --> 00:13:44,788 - Yasir's taking care of what? 369 00:13:44,789 --> 00:13:46,649 ♪ Fred Tupper ♪ 370 00:13:46,649 --> 00:13:48,349 - Now then, Mrs. Hamoudi, 371 00:13:48,354 --> 00:13:49,724 why is the mayor's office 372 00:13:49,718 --> 00:13:52,418 so eager to jump into bed with terrorists? 373 00:13:52,423 --> 00:13:56,253 - Do you really think that all Muslims are terrorists? 374 00:13:56,248 --> 00:13:58,188 - What, are you saying no Muslims are terrorists? 375 00:13:58,189 --> 00:13:59,309 - No, no, of course not. 376 00:13:59,308 --> 00:14:01,008 - I mean, you're the mayor's PR person 377 00:14:01,012 --> 00:14:03,822 and your husband's a Lebanese Arab Muslim. 378 00:14:03,817 --> 00:14:05,207 Coincidink? 379 00:14:05,208 --> 00:14:06,038 - Yes. 380 00:14:06,041 --> 00:14:08,861 Look, do you know who Angus Birchwood is? 381 00:14:08,859 --> 00:14:10,689 - One of Mercy's most respected citizens. 382 00:14:10,689 --> 00:14:13,559 - Well, he's a smart man, right? 383 00:14:13,559 --> 00:14:14,389 - You're not gonna trick me 384 00:14:14,392 --> 00:14:16,242 into saying anything bad about Gus Birchwood. 385 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:17,780 - Would he hire a terrorist? 386 00:14:17,782 --> 00:14:18,742 - Of course not. 387 00:14:18,740 --> 00:14:21,210 - Well, my Muslim husband is renovating his house right now, 388 00:14:21,210 --> 00:14:24,050 ergo my husband is not a terrorist. 389 00:14:24,050 --> 00:14:25,470 See? 390 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:26,845 - You think you're a pretty clever little cookie, 391 00:14:26,851 --> 00:14:28,161 don't you, sister? 392 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,130 - Well, it's the suit. 393 00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:31,740 - I got my eye on you people. 394 00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:33,510 Mercy needs to be informed. 395 00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:34,506 - Yes, they do. 396 00:14:34,505 --> 00:14:37,325 So come to the open house on Sunday and see for yourself. 397 00:14:37,330 --> 00:14:38,490 - You don't get to talk to my audience. 398 00:14:38,485 --> 00:14:39,775 - Don't let this man bully you. 399 00:14:39,780 --> 00:14:41,000 - Ignore this woman. - Wake up, people. 400 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,610 - Now, that is my line and it's copyrighted. 401 00:14:42,610 --> 00:14:43,500 And it's wake up, people. 402 00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:45,000 - Wake up, people! 403 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:50,620 - As-Salaam-Alaikum? - Wa-Alaikum-Salaam. 404 00:14:50,622 --> 00:14:51,492 - I'm glad you're here 405 00:14:51,486 --> 00:14:53,456 'cause I have something important to say. 406 00:14:53,456 --> 00:14:54,576 - I was just leaving. 407 00:14:54,576 --> 00:14:55,406 - Me too. 408 00:14:55,409 --> 00:14:56,239 - I need to check my soup. 409 00:14:56,242 --> 00:14:58,502 - Guys, please wait. 410 00:14:58,500 --> 00:14:59,860 I know you're all upset at me 411 00:14:59,856 --> 00:15:01,946 because I'm not letting you speak at the open house. 412 00:15:01,946 --> 00:15:05,286 - I'll take stating the obvious for 200, please, Alex. 413 00:15:05,291 --> 00:15:06,561 - Are you trying to rub it in? 414 00:15:06,556 --> 00:15:07,386 - No. 415 00:15:07,389 --> 00:15:08,319 At the Friday sermon, 416 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:11,540 it's my job to speak on behalf of the entire congregation. 417 00:15:11,541 --> 00:15:14,211 But on Sunday, I need your help. 418 00:15:16,371 --> 00:15:17,951 You want me to beg? 419 00:15:19,291 --> 00:15:20,121 - Yeah. 420 00:15:21,060 --> 00:15:22,650 - Please, I'm begging you. 421 00:15:22,650 --> 00:15:24,100 Stop the silliness. 422 00:15:24,101 --> 00:15:26,021 - Oh, so now we're silly? 423 00:15:26,016 --> 00:15:27,206 - Come on, guys. 424 00:15:27,210 --> 00:15:28,440 I really need your help. 425 00:15:28,441 --> 00:15:29,421 Please forgive me. 426 00:15:29,420 --> 00:15:30,710 - Amaar, stop groveling. 427 00:15:30,705 --> 00:15:33,295 It's really unattractive, 428 00:15:33,303 --> 00:15:35,393 yet strangely satisfying. 429 00:15:37,885 --> 00:15:39,365 - So the boycott's off? 430 00:15:39,370 --> 00:15:40,510 - Yes. - Okay. 431 00:15:53,924 --> 00:15:55,494 - The lights are finally working. 432 00:15:55,489 --> 00:15:57,249 I thought they would find bin Laden first. 433 00:15:57,249 --> 00:15:59,009 - Your electricians did a great job, Yasir. 434 00:15:59,013 --> 00:16:00,623 Thanks for fixing the lights. 435 00:16:00,623 --> 00:16:01,853 - You're welcome. 436 00:16:01,853 --> 00:16:03,093 - Baber? 437 00:16:03,093 --> 00:16:04,003 - What he said. 438 00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:05,074 Now, stop that. 439 00:16:05,073 --> 00:16:06,613 You're going to give me a seizure. 440 00:16:06,613 --> 00:16:09,003 - Ah, Madame Mayor, so nice of you to join us. 441 00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:09,842 - Thank you. 442 00:16:09,838 --> 00:16:10,688 Where would you like me to stand? 443 00:16:10,688 --> 00:16:11,518 - How about right here? 444 00:16:11,521 --> 00:16:12,911 - All right, thank you. 445 00:16:12,913 --> 00:16:13,893 - Oh, our first visitors. 446 00:16:13,886 --> 00:16:14,736 Come on in. 447 00:16:14,743 --> 00:16:15,583 Hi. 448 00:16:15,576 --> 00:16:16,996 I'm the one you heard on Wake Up, People. 449 00:16:17,002 --> 00:16:18,752 - Wake up, Sarah. - What? 450 00:16:18,752 --> 00:16:21,422 - Hi, pleasure to have you here. 451 00:16:22,825 --> 00:16:24,195 - Could you take your boots off, sir? 452 00:16:24,196 --> 00:16:25,576 Your boots are-- - Hi, lovely to see you. 453 00:16:25,581 --> 00:16:27,941 - Welcome to the mosque. 454 00:16:27,941 --> 00:16:29,031 Help yourself to anything. 455 00:16:29,034 --> 00:16:30,134 There's lots of food. 456 00:16:30,134 --> 00:16:32,374 Hi, thank you so much for coming. 457 00:16:32,371 --> 00:16:35,721 - Islam has five pillars and they are-- 458 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:38,730 - Hey, you guys get a minibar instead of a puppet. 459 00:16:38,730 --> 00:16:40,780 So where do you keep the vino? 460 00:16:40,784 --> 00:16:43,764 - It is minbar, not minibar. 461 00:16:43,755 --> 00:16:47,245 Muslims are not allowed to drink alcohol. 462 00:16:47,245 --> 00:16:49,765 - Not even a couple of brewskies during Gray Cup? 463 00:16:49,770 --> 00:16:50,680 - Never. 464 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:51,510 - No hooch? 465 00:16:51,513 --> 00:16:54,263 I'd pray five times a day too. 466 00:16:54,260 --> 00:16:56,340 - I don't think Joe is going to be converting 467 00:16:56,340 --> 00:16:58,170 to Islam anytime soon. 468 00:17:00,439 --> 00:17:03,189 - If you're a feminist, why do you cover your hair? 469 00:17:03,185 --> 00:17:04,495 - Well, it's about modesty. 470 00:17:04,504 --> 00:17:06,524 Hair is part of your sexuality, 471 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,740 so you only show it to other women. 472 00:17:08,744 --> 00:17:09,874 - So you're gay? 473 00:17:09,867 --> 00:17:11,097 - No, no. 474 00:17:11,104 --> 00:17:12,954 I'd show it to my husband. 475 00:17:12,954 --> 00:17:15,154 - Okay, so you're married? 476 00:17:15,145 --> 00:17:15,975 - No. 477 00:17:15,978 --> 00:17:16,808 - Not yet. 478 00:17:19,809 --> 00:17:22,359 - Can you show it to your boyfriend? 479 00:17:22,363 --> 00:17:23,223 - Boyfriend? 480 00:17:23,222 --> 00:17:24,692 Muslims can't even date. 481 00:17:24,694 --> 00:17:26,504 - Mom, really. 482 00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:27,464 We do date. 483 00:17:27,455 --> 00:17:28,485 - You call that dating? 484 00:17:28,485 --> 00:17:30,035 It's more like a job interview. 485 00:17:30,044 --> 00:17:32,704 - No, it's like window shopping. 486 00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:35,430 See, you don't need to taste the cake 487 00:17:35,434 --> 00:17:37,364 to know that it's going to be delicious. 488 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:38,460 - Of course you do. 489 00:17:38,455 --> 00:17:40,655 The cake could look good and still be crumby, 490 00:17:40,659 --> 00:17:42,159 or he might be a fruitcake 491 00:17:42,164 --> 00:17:43,384 and you know how we all feel about fruitcake-- 492 00:17:43,384 --> 00:17:44,534 - Mom! 493 00:17:44,534 --> 00:17:46,874 Step away from the metaphor. 494 00:17:49,519 --> 00:17:50,999 Okay, so anyway, it's-- 495 00:17:50,995 --> 00:17:52,625 - I think I'm just gonna go talk 496 00:17:52,629 --> 00:17:55,549 to your reverend priesty rabbi guy. 497 00:17:56,605 --> 00:17:57,515 - Oh, okay. 498 00:17:59,014 --> 00:17:59,854 Thank you. 499 00:18:02,026 --> 00:18:03,246 Mom, now she's-- - It was good. 500 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,690 - No, it wasn't. 501 00:18:04,685 --> 00:18:05,515 - Nice turn out. 502 00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:06,828 - Mr. Birchwood, it's such an honor 503 00:18:06,825 --> 00:18:09,775 to have you here at our little mosque. 504 00:18:09,775 --> 00:18:11,415 - It's a bit shabby. 505 00:18:11,420 --> 00:18:13,670 If only they'd let you use 506 00:18:13,665 --> 00:18:15,895 some of that Hamoudi magic around here. 507 00:18:15,901 --> 00:18:17,101 - Yes, that's what I've been saying, 508 00:18:17,095 --> 00:18:18,445 but can I get you anything? 509 00:18:18,445 --> 00:18:19,735 No booze, I'm afraid. 510 00:18:19,735 --> 00:18:21,625 - I think I'll sample some of that curry. 511 00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:22,564 Smells delicious. 512 00:18:22,555 --> 00:18:23,385 - Absolutely. 513 00:18:23,388 --> 00:18:27,308 - And then the descendants of the companion of the prophet 514 00:18:27,305 --> 00:18:29,215 finally reached Africa. 515 00:18:30,075 --> 00:18:34,325 And that takes us to the end of the eighth century. 516 00:18:36,385 --> 00:18:37,645 - Oh dear God. 517 00:18:37,645 --> 00:18:39,585 I thought you were gonna do this yourself. 518 00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:40,806 - It's politics. 519 00:18:40,812 --> 00:18:42,072 I'm sure you understand. 520 00:18:42,066 --> 00:18:43,006 - Not really. 521 00:18:43,014 --> 00:18:44,794 I always get my own way. 522 00:18:44,786 --> 00:18:46,216 Tax plan? 523 00:18:46,217 --> 00:18:47,447 Take two. 524 00:18:47,446 --> 00:18:49,116 - Did you know that business is a very, 525 00:18:49,116 --> 00:18:50,536 very important part of Islam? 526 00:18:50,538 --> 00:18:53,318 Even the prophet, peace be upon him, was a businessman. 527 00:18:53,316 --> 00:18:55,746 Now, if you ever need any work done to your home, 528 00:18:55,751 --> 00:18:57,501 you know who to call. 529 00:19:01,321 --> 00:19:03,781 - We said bridge building, not home building. 530 00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:04,996 Remember? 531 00:19:05,004 --> 00:19:07,134 - Amaar, look around you. 532 00:19:07,125 --> 00:19:08,415 You have nothing to worry about. 533 00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:09,905 Pat yourself on the back. 534 00:19:09,906 --> 00:19:13,076 The open house has gone off without a hitch. 535 00:19:16,261 --> 00:19:17,801 - It's an ambush! 536 00:19:22,504 --> 00:19:23,934 - Out! 537 00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,200 Everybody out! 538 00:19:36,355 --> 00:19:39,185 All right, maybe one little hitch. 539 00:19:43,155 --> 00:19:47,345 - And I hate to say I told you so, people of Mercy, 540 00:19:47,345 --> 00:19:49,805 but I told you so, people of Mercy. 541 00:19:49,805 --> 00:19:52,465 You know, you try to act neighborly 542 00:19:52,465 --> 00:19:54,455 and they try to blow you up. 543 00:19:54,455 --> 00:19:56,275 Well, we can at least thank our lucky stars 544 00:19:56,275 --> 00:19:58,945 that this ragtag bunch of jihaderists 545 00:19:58,945 --> 00:20:02,205 couldn't actually build a bomb that works. 546 00:20:02,210 --> 00:20:05,230 All right, next up, getting to know your new puppy. 547 00:20:05,231 --> 00:20:06,561 I'm Fred Tupper. 548 00:20:19,421 --> 00:20:21,871 - Those infidels tried to blow us up! 549 00:20:21,871 --> 00:20:23,771 This is our September 11th! 550 00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:27,295 Don't ever say that again. 551 00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:28,400 - But it's true. 552 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,280 - Calm down, it was just a bit of smoke. 553 00:20:30,277 --> 00:20:31,527 Nobody got hurt. 554 00:20:34,610 --> 00:20:36,300 I'm all right. 555 00:20:36,295 --> 00:20:37,385 I'm fine. 556 00:20:37,390 --> 00:20:39,560 We should never have called the fire department. 557 00:20:39,555 --> 00:20:41,005 Look at the mess they made. 558 00:20:41,010 --> 00:20:43,440 - Yasir, there was an explosion. 559 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:44,900 - The room filled with smoke! 560 00:20:44,903 --> 00:20:47,903 - It was a little electrical mishap. 561 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,760 - You tried to fix the fuse box yourself, didn't you? 562 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:52,810 - I knew it. 563 00:20:52,810 --> 00:20:53,930 - It was your fault. 564 00:20:53,930 --> 00:20:55,660 Yes, you made me promise. 565 00:20:55,663 --> 00:20:56,643 I am a man of my word. 566 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,670 It was the only way to get it done on time. 567 00:20:59,671 --> 00:21:00,621 - Roll up those carpets. 568 00:21:00,624 --> 00:21:02,874 They're beginning to smell. 569 00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:09,559 - Look at that. 570 00:21:10,875 --> 00:21:12,415 - I'm sure Yasir didn't mean to-- 571 00:21:12,420 --> 00:21:14,260 - Oh, he didn't do this alone. 572 00:21:14,260 --> 00:21:15,180 I helped him. 573 00:21:15,179 --> 00:21:16,619 - With the fusebox? 574 00:21:16,621 --> 00:21:18,391 - I tried to fix everything, 575 00:21:18,389 --> 00:21:20,829 make peace, create trust. 576 00:21:20,834 --> 00:21:22,954 - Then it turns out you're only human, 577 00:21:22,950 --> 00:21:25,870 which proves once again that only God is perfect. 578 00:21:25,867 --> 00:21:27,467 You know, you can't stop mistrust 579 00:21:27,470 --> 00:21:29,130 and suspicion from popping up, 580 00:21:29,130 --> 00:21:30,100 which reminds me, 581 00:21:30,098 --> 00:21:34,388 you should have those guys take that dead body round back. 582 00:21:34,385 --> 00:21:35,625 - He's joking! 583 00:21:35,634 --> 00:21:38,054 It's a carpet, just a carpet! 584 00:21:39,393 --> 00:21:40,233 What?